No Arrrrrr, No Arrrrrr

You remember when you first heard this song?

What did you think of it? Everyone has a different interpretation of what Jordin Sparks' "No Air" means to them. My thoughts and feelings are no different. It is one of THOSE songs - those songs that force you to reminisce, reflect, and revel in the now and then moments of love. Realistically this could very well be the title sequence to my forever-in-production reality show entitled 'My Life.'

Does this song remind me of anyone in particular? Yes. As music does, it associates itself with where we are in life, and in most instances - with who. I know I'm not the only person who has songs that can send my mind and heart spiraling back to two or three years ago and recall the exact moment in detail. Damn you, emblazoned magic moments of love.....or something similiar.

Until the sun next leaves footprints upon the horizon.....this moment is mine. "T"

This One [Crying Like A Child]

*Press 'Play,' take a breath, let the song load - then begin reading the truth about "The One" who had me crying like a child that fateful June day in 2008...

We met in person through a mutual friend, and after having spent one wonderful evening together - you won me over with your fine cooking and some wonderful music. Your food warmed my soul, your musical taste/selections touched my heart; your mere presence and company put me on a high I have never been on before, and the passion we shared with one another made my heart skip a beat and left me speechless. I don't even remember the ride home that morning. You had me that bad. I feel that I had waited my whole life for that one evening. You have been in my dreams my whole life. I wish you would have given me a chance.

I have a picture of you that I keep close by. Also I don't let my Valentine's Day 2008 gift stray too far. (I named it after you). I look at them quite often and wonder why everything in my life that is too good to be true, actually is too good to be true. Our feelings for one another grew very very strong very fast. It kind of scared the two of us. I would like to think that our being scared is a smaller part of a larger plan.

You have other things going on in your life right now that don't allow for a relationship as of now. However, I feel that when I think of you so strongly and so often that there is something worth holding on to and going after. I am not going to give up. You are worth the wait, worth fighting for, and definitely worth having in my life regardless of any consequences on my behalf. I have never in my life wanted any one person in my life so badly as I do you. I hope you can appreciate that there is someone out there (me) that wants to be with you for all of the right reasons. You just have to give me a chance.

I don't care that we have known one another for such a short time. I cannot help how I feel or what makes me tick. There is so much that I have wanted to tell you, but resisted for fear of scaring you off, as this heavy of emotion is questionably too soon. If you read this, at least you now know that you have someone that aches to be with you only to make you the happiest man in the world that could love you unconditionally till the very end. Not to be vein, but I know I could be such a person to you, if you would just give me a chance.

I know that we both feel something for one another. I cannot get your voice out of my head, your face out of my mind, and I can't find that piece of my heart that is missing.....cause you have it. I never imagined anything like this being so hard. It kills me to know that you are so close and that I can't have you. I am obviously a wreck over you, and being smitten over you would be a gross understatement. Nothing I could ever say or do will ever be able to speak as loud as my heart does for you. I BEG of you, please don't forget me. I can't help but to follow my heart, and you are what my heart is after.

Dammit,........ I just can't quit you. I deserve a chance with you.

Sex Is Overrated....

....says the dude who's been getting his study on consistently for about two weeks! I don't know what to make of this desire that's been washing over men to request to give me face....but I thank you. I am so much more open to the receiving of fellatio. I can get that behind my desk at the hotel...not that I have. This month.

Why am I having the "orgel fantasia" dreams again....? [Don't even ask! I'm going to make a video to explain this.] [As soon as I figure out how to work this damn webcam.]

And if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to be more open and honest here at "This Moment Is Mine." I mean, I'm not revealing everything - but you certainly will be pulled in. And out. In. And out.

Get me a hot towel. Clean up on Aisle 7.

Long Story Short

Updating the followers.....

Well, I almost died May 15th at 4:08 AM along I-40 East, swerving to avoid a swerving semi. Apparently I was supposed to let the semi hit me, so I could get paid. I drive a 1996 Honda Accord - that shit would've been instantaneous man-down. So long story short (and leaving out the part about me calling 5 people crying hysterically), now I'm car less and was stuck in Nashville for 6...days. Thank God for one of my soldiers (from the Army Reserve). He hooked me up with his spare bedroom - in exchange, I cooked my ass off.

On Day 5, I made my famous queso/Ro-Tel (whatever you call it) & my first stab at Broccoli & Cheese Casserole. I'd have posted the end results - the empty dishes - but they mysteriously disappeared....hmmm. I think the crew ate those, too. I had to leave my Honda in the safety of a backyard and catch the Greyhound back to the Scenic City. Ugh. I felt like such a commoner.

***** "The Definition" has officially downgraded himself. It is what it was and it fizzled into what I won't let it be. He won't be sampling this ass any longer (unless OUR communication gets bertter)....I need consistency and communication and his muthafuckin' ass is lacking. SO AM I. I'm horrible when it comes to picking up a phone....Oh, if only his love and sex game tactics aligned; and my communication skills were equal to my making sticky skills - he'd be awesome. And I'd be the shit. And we would work. And I'd have a boyfriend I'd relocate for. OH WELL. I smile because it happened and I move forward.

**** "Freeze" downgraded me back to friend status; today. VIA TEXT MESSAGE. I have no comment for this because I never agreed to this relationship thing officially anyway.

**** "Him." Well, it was over before it even started. Story of my life.

[Singing] "He Ain't With Me Now" though....

I'm back.

Well, almost...

There are some candidates whom have presented good qualities, and each deserve a shot at the title, but there can only be one. There will only be one.

"J'hontaivius:" I need choices, dude.

[suppressing alternate personality]

I have got to get his ass intergrated. He is going to get me in more trouble that I'll allow.

Sexes, Scandal, and Broken Cars

That sums up the last two weeks...full lengthy update coming!

Because My Brother's Needing Me To Update The Blog So He Can Read It At Work

T: "I'm back, Blogland!"
J'hontaivius: "But I will be the one telling you what the fuck's happened so far..."

We haven't been properly introduced; I'm 'J'hontaivius J.' the more free-spirited side of Terrence....ya boy's been goin thru sum shit & been trippin' bout bloggin bout it, talkin' about "I don't wanna put myself out there!" and redundant shit like that. I really don't give a fuck what his ass does as long as I get my muthafuckin' nut ya feel me? I'm trying to get this bitch nigga laid and paid and he wanna be all good n shit! What the fuck's up wit that?!

T: "Can you please not write such filth about me? That's libel, JJ."
J'hontaivius: "Nigga who lyin wit yo wack ass?"
T: "Can I start the catching-up process now, sir?"
J'hontaivius: "Yea whatever but hurry up I'm fucking hungry-er than a bitch....!"
T: "Thank you so much for understanding."

Pardon the interruption; he's a character, that persona of mine. Now, back to my previous statement: I'm back! And it feels great to say so. So much has happened since the last true post. So let's begin - and I will attempt to make it brief [as if I could].

So I'm still living at the Big House with the GPs and am actually loving it (for the time being). I have a room, a private bath, and get at least 3-4 hot meals a week, its rent free and I only have to contribute to the basic essentials of groceries (eggs, milk, cheese, and cereal). However I do not have any privacy, total disregard of my 'grown-man status,' and get whispered about at the dining room table. The GPs just want me to get it back together and be happy; meaning save money and move out. I miss the wonders of watching TV naked, wrapped in a sheet on my couch with a bowl of Frosted Flakes and cartoons on. My father has strategically gotten an RV onto the property; so now I have the pleasure of him consistently inquiring about my life and who's in it, asking to borrow clothes and condoms, and getting water all over my bathroom during his showers.

I got a second job at another hotel. Its part-time, but its at the Holiday Inn Express and that's cool because of the pay raise. This check'll pay AT&T because of my high mobile phone bill. Is $167 a month too much? Apparently they don't think so; but I love unlimited everything! I should consider downsizing my plan, but when you run a business and are also a socialite, its hard to be out of touch. Gotta have my Blackberry, baby!

Now, about the Love Life:

** "The Definition" and I are slowly fizzling. Meaning the pop and sizzle is officially on simmer. I think he's a great person with a beautiful spirit, but let me inform you of the catalyst of why we're not as poppin' as we were - "The Definition" got into a verbal altercation with a superior not in his chain of responsibility at his job, and the ending result: he quit his job. In the midst of a recession. He quit his job. Now he informed me of what happened and everything and I was in total supportive mode, but here's the tiny tidbit that sent me reeling: When he's down, he's down and nobody can help. He doesn't want to see me, call me, whatever....but this dude will text. I'm ready to just say, "I care about you and what you're going through, but I feel you pushed me away, and I don't like that." Also we have trust issues....notice the WE there. So maybe I should just call it off to save face. Because until we were star-crossed from the beginning....
** "Freeze" and I are progressing. We're at that space where it seems someone's losing interest, but in fact, we're both just so busy that we forget to communicate the obvious thoughts we may be thinking. He asked me to be his boyfriend two weeks ago....I told him I will give him an answer one day.....when you don't live 4, 321 miles away. Please tell me this is a waste of time.

J'hontaivius: "This nigga aint telling y'all every muthafuckin thang..."
T: "I'm getting there, Taye, dang!"

[I really don't like him sometimes.]

Okay, so you know my philosophy regarding love: I take applications and conduct interviews, and weed out candidates who don't meet the qualifications. I mean, is that not the premise of dating? To interview for the long-term deal? So the weekend of April 24th, I called my good friend J.B. to surprise visit him and such in the great city of Huntsville, Alabama.....right. I get off work and get right onto 24 West and head to good ol' Alabama. I hadn't been to Huntsville since June 2007 when....(there's a story and a wound I'm not ready to divulge). So after the initial greetings and catching-up, J.B. and I head out to the club - which was a shack. I mean, its a literal hole in the wall, but the DJ had it rocking! After being introduced and scoping the scene, I made a beeline for the bar. The bartender proceeded to inform me that they were working with limited choices of spirits, so I had to reluctantly consume bottom shelf choices. As I was drinking this concoction the bartender suggested [named a Purple something....and tasted similar to syrup of black draught!] I was taking in the room and looking at the other patrons of said rainbow shack, and other by the door standing reserved, silent, and mellow was him. Let's not even give him a nickname yet.....I did not approach him, I continued to take in my surroundings and drink this liquid crack I paid $6 dollars for I knew was going to assist with my getting buzzed. Because men of class do not get drunk. [....insert devilish laughter here.] The night progressed; I sipped, I danced, I walked it out, and I randomly kissed a girl - still trying to figure out the details behind THAT, but at the end of the night, him and I did strike up conversation & and exchange numbers. We agree to get together to bask in the ambiance of Mary Jane and pancakes. We've been consistently chatting via phone and text ever since; and he's seen me twice since then - including the dinner date I surprised him with on Cinco De Mayo. I made my famous fai-jatas. Ole! We're feeling the vibe and it's refreshing to be mentally naked with someone....I love when you can get the b/s in the open. He's aware of the other suitors and I told him about my venture into blogging. [Hence whereas why I won't give him a nickname, yet - I want him to know that his "identity" is safe, as blogging is new to him.]

Nothing else has really happened, so I guess you're all caught up....well, a tryst or two has occurred, but nothing major resulted. Now I am ready to decide what to do regarding all these different parties getting involved. I am not going to continue balancing time, as I desire to be in a relationship. But I won't rush it. So stay tuned! Because this moment will eventually be mine.

P.S. I'm learning how to blog from the BlackBerry, so I'm gonna try to keep you and myself up to date :)

Life Spirals Like A Cyclone

So much has happened...I'll be writing in soon, I mean I/we just haven't had the time...but an update will be published soon. Until then, here's a clue regarding what's going on.