Sorry about the delay in posting; you know life and work will devour you if you don't run fast enough.
First order of business: So Mom and sister still reside with me, and because of this I did what I thought was right - I claimed them on my taxes - both of them, providing proper paperwork showing I have been their source of financial support and the IRS agreed. So cool, some extra $$! But only my mom could turn this into a classic moment.
Mom: "So, you claimed us on your taxes right?"
Me: "Yes, ma'am." [This conversation's about to get ignorant....]
Mom: "How much we getting back?"
Me: "We?"
Mom: "I mean, you wouldn't be getting nothing back if you wouldn't have carried us..."
As if I don't work 30-40 hours a week and attend classes! Like I'm just chillin' and collecting a welfare check or something! The audacity.....wait, wait, wait....this is my mother....the woman who gave me life, so I paused and prayed then walked away...and when I received my refund I thoroughly pissed off the masses by only depositing $500 into her bank account. I got blessed out so bad, I had to go holla at my girl and smoke a blunt - something I rarely do!!
Moving on.
Valentine's Day....I prefer the term "Single Awareness Day," referencing the fact that Valentine's Day is exploited to the point that if you're not in a relationship, you're a loser - which is why for the past three years I've promoted 'Single Awareness Day' and went out w/ other singles and toasted the concept of being one w/ one's self, and not in a state of insanity (a/k/a "love), and this year was no different. Yes, I am talking to a man I thought was "The Definition," but he's been going through some personal struggles and has just started back consistently communicating with me after a two week hiatus. The Definition is one of those people who get down and like to go sit in a closet til they get their problems worked out....so, I don't know what's going to happen with us. And it's already hard as we live in different cities (though he's just an hour and a half away, the distance takes a toll....especially on "those days"). So since he's doing his thing, I continued on with my normal plans: went to ATL and got up with my best friends, drank, danced like the world was ending, and bashed him to kingdom come verbally for having me alone on Valentine's Day - wait, I meant "Single Awareness Day."
Now, riddle me this: was I wrong for going to grab brunch with someone on that day? I mean, it was two people who were respectively desiring pancakes? Yes, someone may or may not "like" someone in the party, but that has yet to be verified. It may well not be....
While in ATL, I went to see the man I'd thought was going to be my undoing last year during Spring Semester....I will deem him, "VA." Though we aren't romantically linked, we still keep tabs on each other - no explanation why. I know why I do [because I refuse to let him settle down with someone who isn't as awesome as me], and this weekend he told me what I wanted to hear almost a year ago:
VA: "There are four people I want with me on Tuesday for my birthday, and you are number one."
Too bad he and I both knew I wasn't going to be in town; I got all four wisdom teeth extracted Monday morning at 10:45AM, hence my blogging at 1:52AM now because I've sleep all day from the drugs and last night's Charmed marathon. I'm watching the entire series since I'm off work for a week....I killed Season 4-5 in a day. I skipped Seasons 1-3....because I saw them and I don't care for the 'Prue' character - she needed therapy.
Well, that's all to discuss right now.....later days, and this moment is mine.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
25 Random Things About Prodigal Soul
By popular demand and continuous pestering, I've decided to submit and publish this ridiculous list of personal information I'm weary to share:
*You know the rules...I shall not be copy/pasting them. Let's begin....
1. I am selfish as all get out. Despite my outward appearance and offers of assistance in a situation, secretly I'm just being nice and praying you say "No" so I can go about my way. This is not entirely true, but sometimes, I just don't be wanting to hear it/do it/see it/ go with you.
2. My favorite spirit is the Holy Spirit. My second favorite is the spirit of Bacardi; in all forms, shapes, and sizes - except for that 151....I dont' drink lighter fluid straight.
3. You can get me to cosign to anything with the promise of food on the horizon. Or Oreos. I once drove someone round trip from Chattanooga to Nashville and back in exchange for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants - J. Alexander's. I got to order whatever I wanted. Grand total of the check: $73.41
4. I play the role of the black geek, but underneath the guise is the soul of a freak. I'm very adventurous...and I shall leave it at that.
5. When I was nine years old, I made out with a girl for the first time. Her name was ___________ _________ and I instantly knew we'd just be together forever...what the hell was I thinking?
6. Most people in this day and age cherish family, good friends, and the one they love. Not me. Give me my laptop, an iPod, and my Blackberry....I think I'll manage.
7. Rebuttal to number 6 - I love my family to death, but if you'd have to have had to endure the year I had, you'd need a break from your mom, too! [Message me about this one. Trust me, its quite the tale]
8. I've got a long-lost brother I'm searching for. You know how "Dads" are. And mine was in the Army, but thankfully he only made one additional child (so he says). I know his alleged name (Timothy James Perry) his mom's maiden name (Jacqueline Perry) and that he's from Maryland, and that his grandparents at one point lived in Seat Pleasant, MD. I thought I'd found him on Facebook (of ALL places!) but I wrong....maybe.
9. I occasionally "medicate" via herbs. I am not ashamed about this. It's natural, and from the
earth.
10. Daydreaming is my enemy. I will zone out on you in a minute and go my fantasy world where all in right, and I don't have to deal with certain things....like bills.
11. When I was 13, I was introduced properly to the art form of....you know. It resulted in the creation of a monster.
12. I have read the entire Karma Sutra twice, studied the arts of Tartaric sex, and started buying an ice cream cone a day to practice the skill that would make me famous....and this was in high school.
13. I have friends, but my actual true circle of friends I communicate with inconsistently, yet when they call I'm so there - and vice versa. Well, I'm going to be late. But I'm coming!
14. I ain't never (that's right, I said it) on time for anything! Count it all joy if I show up 5 minutes late. But I'm doing better. My boss noticed it even. Now, I actually have to be on time for work since she sees it's possible.
15. My closet is organized from left to right as follows: jeans (by designer and denim color),
khakis, dress pants, belts, ties (on a rotating tie rack), vests (by cut and color), short-sleeve T-shirts, long-sleeved t-shirts, short-sleeved polos, short-sleeved button-ups, long-sleeve button-ups, blazers, light jackets. All by 1) designer, and 2) color. And I did this BEFORE I went to the Army....
16. Monk on USA is my unofficial hero....I have acute OCD. Ask anyone. I haven't been officially diagnosed, however, there have been accounts where I've have to rearrange or reposition stuff because it would drive me bonkers. Thus #9 comes into play.
17. If I could get Comcast to make a "Choose Your Channels" package, I'd only need Cartoon Network, Boomerang (gotta have my Jetsons!), Nickelodeon, BET, BETJ, VH1, VH1Soul, and TNT (I like ER and Charmed reruns). My bill would be like $18/month, and I'd be in heaven.
18. My favorite TV channel is Cartoon Network. My #1 cartoon of all time is 'A Pup Named Scooby-Doo' tied with 'Dexter's Laboratory.'
19. I write lyrics...you know songs. I can't produce beats yet, but I'm learning! I have even gotten some of my songs sold and onto CDs! I wrote a song for the Christian group, Out of Eden, which they recorded prior to disbanding. If you want to hear it, email me; no, I won't make you go buy the CD.
20. I shop at thrift stores. Yeah, seriously. If vintage is "in," then why pay x amount of dollars for something made to be vintage when you can go get the real deal from Little Five Points? I got a pair of True Religion jeans for my cousin for 37 dollars with the authentic tags from the store still on them. Amen for the rich, because sometimes I'm poor.
21. I love to sing, but I won't sing in front of people, because some people are so critical. And one of my closest friends can really sang, and I look up to him, so I don't want to cop his signature...you feel me? I"m like Ne-Yo: I don't wanna cut an album, just let me write the songs and get my checks. *Look where he is now....maybe I should do a demo, for fun.
22. If you see me with earphones in on campus, I'm probably not even listening to music; I just don't like engaging in conversation en route to class. I'm already usually late.
23. I have returning phone call issues; so much so, I've lost out on relationships because I would never just pick up the phone and call. I thought I was the only one like this, but as it turns out, there are others...but I'll send a text or an email in a minute! Thank God for the BlackBerry....
24. I love to write, to share my triumphs and pitfalls, but I don't like to share my personal poetry often...it reflects too much of myself and I'd feel naked - all flushed with fever. Embarrassed by the crowd LOL
25. From April 2004 - August 2004 while stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas...I had a career as a stripper. That's right....me! I had just gotten back from Iraq the first time and my body was sick! All toned and low body fat, thanks to all that water drinking and sweating. My boy from home was stationed 5 hours away in Colorado, so I'd go hang out with him once a month. My second visit I got propositioned by a young lady who inquired if I was interested in making some money and having fun. Apparently I could dance (and you know the Kid can move a lil' somethin') so the stage was set and "BOY WONDER" was born. Please don't ask who named me....IDK her name, but she tipped me well my 1st show. I drove to CO two weekends a month, and made enough that i didnt have to touch my military pay. Ah, those were good times.
Yes, I saved the best for last.
*You know the rules...I shall not be copy/pasting them. Let's begin....
1. I am selfish as all get out. Despite my outward appearance and offers of assistance in a situation, secretly I'm just being nice and praying you say "No" so I can go about my way. This is not entirely true, but sometimes, I just don't be wanting to hear it/do it/see it/ go with you.
2. My favorite spirit is the Holy Spirit. My second favorite is the spirit of Bacardi; in all forms, shapes, and sizes - except for that 151....I dont' drink lighter fluid straight.
3. You can get me to cosign to anything with the promise of food on the horizon. Or Oreos. I once drove someone round trip from Chattanooga to Nashville and back in exchange for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants - J. Alexander's. I got to order whatever I wanted. Grand total of the check: $73.41
4. I play the role of the black geek, but underneath the guise is the soul of a freak. I'm very adventurous...and I shall leave it at that.
5. When I was nine years old, I made out with a girl for the first time. Her name was ___________ _________ and I instantly knew we'd just be together forever...what the hell was I thinking?
6. Most people in this day and age cherish family, good friends, and the one they love. Not me. Give me my laptop, an iPod, and my Blackberry....I think I'll manage.
7. Rebuttal to number 6 - I love my family to death, but if you'd have to have had to endure the year I had, you'd need a break from your mom, too! [Message me about this one. Trust me, its quite the tale]
8. I've got a long-lost brother I'm searching for. You know how "Dads" are. And mine was in the Army, but thankfully he only made one additional child (so he says). I know his alleged name (Timothy James Perry) his mom's maiden name (Jacqueline Perry) and that he's from Maryland, and that his grandparents at one point lived in Seat Pleasant, MD. I thought I'd found him on Facebook (of ALL places!) but I wrong....maybe.
9. I occasionally "medicate" via herbs. I am not ashamed about this. It's natural, and from the
earth.
10. Daydreaming is my enemy. I will zone out on you in a minute and go my fantasy world where all in right, and I don't have to deal with certain things....like bills.
11. When I was 13, I was introduced properly to the art form of....you know. It resulted in the creation of a monster.
12. I have read the entire Karma Sutra twice, studied the arts of Tartaric sex, and started buying an ice cream cone a day to practice the skill that would make me famous....and this was in high school.
13. I have friends, but my actual true circle of friends I communicate with inconsistently, yet when they call I'm so there - and vice versa. Well, I'm going to be late. But I'm coming!
14. I ain't never (that's right, I said it) on time for anything! Count it all joy if I show up 5 minutes late. But I'm doing better. My boss noticed it even. Now, I actually have to be on time for work since she sees it's possible.
15. My closet is organized from left to right as follows: jeans (by designer and denim color),
khakis, dress pants, belts, ties (on a rotating tie rack), vests (by cut and color), short-sleeve T-shirts, long-sleeved t-shirts, short-sleeved polos, short-sleeved button-ups, long-sleeve button-ups, blazers, light jackets. All by 1) designer, and 2) color. And I did this BEFORE I went to the Army....
16. Monk on USA is my unofficial hero....I have acute OCD. Ask anyone. I haven't been officially diagnosed, however, there have been accounts where I've have to rearrange or reposition stuff because it would drive me bonkers. Thus #9 comes into play.
17. If I could get Comcast to make a "Choose Your Channels" package, I'd only need Cartoon Network, Boomerang (gotta have my Jetsons!), Nickelodeon, BET, BETJ, VH1, VH1Soul, and TNT (I like ER and Charmed reruns). My bill would be like $18/month, and I'd be in heaven.
18. My favorite TV channel is Cartoon Network. My #1 cartoon of all time is 'A Pup Named Scooby-Doo' tied with 'Dexter's Laboratory.'
19. I write lyrics...you know songs. I can't produce beats yet, but I'm learning! I have even gotten some of my songs sold and onto CDs! I wrote a song for the Christian group, Out of Eden, which they recorded prior to disbanding. If you want to hear it, email me; no, I won't make you go buy the CD.
20. I shop at thrift stores. Yeah, seriously. If vintage is "in," then why pay x amount of dollars for something made to be vintage when you can go get the real deal from Little Five Points? I got a pair of True Religion jeans for my cousin for 37 dollars with the authentic tags from the store still on them. Amen for the rich, because sometimes I'm poor.
21. I love to sing, but I won't sing in front of people, because some people are so critical. And one of my closest friends can really sang, and I look up to him, so I don't want to cop his signature...you feel me? I"m like Ne-Yo: I don't wanna cut an album, just let me write the songs and get my checks. *Look where he is now....maybe I should do a demo, for fun.
22. If you see me with earphones in on campus, I'm probably not even listening to music; I just don't like engaging in conversation en route to class. I'm already usually late.
23. I have returning phone call issues; so much so, I've lost out on relationships because I would never just pick up the phone and call. I thought I was the only one like this, but as it turns out, there are others...but I'll send a text or an email in a minute! Thank God for the BlackBerry....
24. I love to write, to share my triumphs and pitfalls, but I don't like to share my personal poetry often...it reflects too much of myself and I'd feel naked - all flushed with fever. Embarrassed by the crowd LOL
25. From April 2004 - August 2004 while stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas...I had a career as a stripper. That's right....me! I had just gotten back from Iraq the first time and my body was sick! All toned and low body fat, thanks to all that water drinking and sweating. My boy from home was stationed 5 hours away in Colorado, so I'd go hang out with him once a month. My second visit I got propositioned by a young lady who inquired if I was interested in making some money and having fun. Apparently I could dance (and you know the Kid can move a lil' somethin') so the stage was set and "BOY WONDER" was born. Please don't ask who named me....IDK her name, but she tipped me well my 1st show. I drove to CO two weekends a month, and made enough that i didnt have to touch my military pay. Ah, those were good times.
Yes, I saved the best for last.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Celine, Will You Serenade Me?
So I was fortunate enough to be blessed with the opportunity to see one of my favorite singers in concert January 17th in Atlanta....Celine Dion. [Yes, I said it.] Normally, a concert of this magnitude would send my spirit into the stratosphere, but with everything going on - raising Mom, my sister, working all the time, and writing new songs - I didn't have the energy to be excited.
But luckily I have awsome friends. (Whom I will introduce later...)
They boasted me up so much I was estatic by the time it was showtime, and WHAT. A. SHOW! Celine put on a show that was so powerful, the crowd was moved to either cheers or tears. And she sang my favorite song, "To Love You More." I was my first time seeing her live, and I boo-hoo'd during the bridge [my favorite part]. So, if you can catch her in concert....GO! At the end of the show, she sang the Titanic song; EVERYONE sang along, and the entire crowd held the last note like they were in the shower at home, singing along...hilarious! Yet it brought everyone together. I made quite a few new friends that night. I'm looking forward to Jill Scott live next. That'll produce one hell of an eargasm.
Yeah, I had a video in the last post, but after seeing this song performed live, and listening to the words - I had to share it, ya dig? Because "A New Day Has Come!"
But luckily I have awsome friends. (Whom I will introduce later...)
They boasted me up so much I was estatic by the time it was showtime, and WHAT. A. SHOW! Celine put on a show that was so powerful, the crowd was moved to either cheers or tears. And she sang my favorite song, "To Love You More." I was my first time seeing her live, and I boo-hoo'd during the bridge [my favorite part]. So, if you can catch her in concert....GO! At the end of the show, she sang the Titanic song; EVERYONE sang along, and the entire crowd held the last note like they were in the shower at home, singing along...hilarious! Yet it brought everyone together. I made quite a few new friends that night. I'm looking forward to Jill Scott live next. That'll produce one hell of an eargasm.
Yeah, I had a video in the last post, but after seeing this song performed live, and listening to the words - I had to share it, ya dig? Because "A New Day Has Come!"
Monday, January 12, 2009
Problems Into The New
The year just started and I'm already way in over my head; financially, emotionally....when will the acquisition of peace happen? I need a vacation from life - just about four days I can go to a remote location and do a "Stella." Get back in touch with myself: reassess who I am and what my personal goals and dreams are, as I have lost sight of them while dealing with the never ending drama that is everything and everyone else in my life.
Also, the hope of love is an issue (but isn't it always?). I'm torn at the moment between two beautiful people, but each I am scared to love wholeheartedly in fear of A) running them off, or B) me running away. I think I need to go see my therapist.
Have you seen Beyonce's video for "Halo?" It's so simple, but deep! I want the kind of love portrayed. Maybe I've found it....but who knows, as only time will tell...you know how love in "the life" goes.
Also, the hope of love is an issue (but isn't it always?). I'm torn at the moment between two beautiful people, but each I am scared to love wholeheartedly in fear of A) running them off, or B) me running away. I think I need to go see my therapist.
Have you seen Beyonce's video for "Halo?" It's so simple, but deep! I want the kind of love portrayed. Maybe I've found it....but who knows, as only time will tell...you know how love in "the life" goes.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Drama Free...Got Me Again!
I thought that by volunteering to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I would be able to avoid the usual holiday family drama; but, "The Family That Preys" once again showed me the extent of their reach and how impactful a three minute conversation could be.
I went and saw my play-brother's family first because they live closer, then meandered to my paternal grandparents' house for the good food. They're the ones who raised my hard-headed a** from thirteen to eighteen, the real defining years - lol - We laughed, I got a gift (what?!), and then I brought my butt to work @ 3 PM to make that time and a half (whoo-hoo!). Boring day at work elapses....naps are taken...and I finally get off work at 11 PM. En route to go partake in some last minute Christmas festivities, my mom calls.
Me: Hello
Mom: What you doing?
Me: Just getting off from work...
Mom: You did?
Me: [Isn't that what I just said?] Yes. I did.
Mom: Oh. Everybody asked about you; And ya grandma did too. You don't ever go see her, and that's not right blah-blah-blah
Me: What? You went to Grandma's house?
Mom: Yeah, I been over there "all day." But yeah, you don't ever come see her and...
Jesus once stated, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." Well, I am certainly not without sin, but she started throwing rocks first. I've been tolerating this crap for over a year and you calling me with this s#!t on Christmas?! I released the inner psycho, went in and let have; hung my balls all in da wind!
Me: "Let me tell you something 'mom.' You are not going to call me on Christmas after I have been at work all day and do me. Clearly just because you reconciled with the family after putting yourself in exile, you obviously think you have a right to call and chastise me because your example I somewhat follow. Just stop right there, because I refuse to listen further. You have your nerve thinking you can do this; I'm twenty-six years old! Doin' me on Christmas, geez! "
[brief pause]
Mom: Let me tell you something - your days are going to be short because the Bible say 'Honor thy father and mother' and you be disrespecting me
Me: I'm tired of having parents who act like adolescent teens in puberty!
Mom: You are gong to pay for the....(I stopped listening)
Me: Happy holidays Mom, I gotta go
Mom: blah-blah-blah death and then what blah-blah-blah
Me: Happy holidays Mom, I gotta go
Mom: yada yada attitude ungrateful child yada yada
Me: I love you and I'm hanging up now
Mom: Bye.
If this results in me getting enormous lumps of coal for Christmas, I'm burying them to see if I can make diamonds; I've got a better chance of that happening than my parents actually growing up. This conversation drove me to a local hole in the wall where I was approached in a very direct manner by an "it." "It" told me I was cute and inquired if I was in there with someone, then proceeded to get "it's" feelings hurt when I showed "it" my "get the hell away from me" symbol - a faux wedding band. With an 89 percent deterring rate, I successfully drove the burnt brownie with the horrible weave back to its point of origin - for ten minutes. Then "it" came and gave me a refresher, and reminded me to come see "it" later. I smiled and heavily sipped my Grey Goose and Cranberry....then immediately scampered out the door and went home.
Next year I'm celebrating Hanukkah. At least it comes with proper instructions.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Who's There To Save The Hero?
"There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting, crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink-back your tears; and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective."
I have my fair share of issues. I am not a perfect person, but I strive to be a good one. I am at one of those points where I feel I just can't get ahead - like I'm stuck in a situation I can not get out of. I wonder, "Does Superman get tired of saving the world?" Does he have moments he feels like a maid...? "I just cleaned this mess up!" I feel like I'm never going to be able to [once again] break away and really begin to live for me.
The things holding me back are the very things the world says you should never let go of. How can one live if he is being bound by the life he can't leave behind? I'm not trying to abandon the ones I love; I'm trying to become someone to love, as the past year has hardened my heart to a point past stone. So I guess I'd better finally tell the story:
October 16th, 2007
I'd just returned home two weeks ago from narrowly escaping my third trip to the Iraqi sandbox when receive a phone call that changed everything. My mother and two sisters had been evicted from their apartment complex after getting into an altercation with some neighbors...words were exchanged, bleach was thrown (I still don't know the WHOLE story)...and they needed a place to stay until my mom found a new apartment. I mean, what do you say? Its your mom. So of course I said, "Yes." Now a year and some months later, I am ready to pull out my hair.
I have my fair share of issues. I am not a perfect person, but I strive to be a good one. I am at one of those points where I feel I just can't get ahead - like I'm stuck in a situation I can not get out of. I wonder, "Does Superman get tired of saving the world?" Does he have moments he feels like a maid...? "I just cleaned this mess up!" I feel like I'm never going to be able to [once again] break away and really begin to live for me.
The things holding me back are the very things the world says you should never let go of. How can one live if he is being bound by the life he can't leave behind? I'm not trying to abandon the ones I love; I'm trying to become someone to love, as the past year has hardened my heart to a point past stone. So I guess I'd better finally tell the story:
October 16th, 2007
I'd just returned home two weeks ago from narrowly escaping my third trip to the Iraqi sandbox when receive a phone call that changed everything. My mother and two sisters had been evicted from their apartment complex after getting into an altercation with some neighbors...words were exchanged, bleach was thrown (I still don't know the WHOLE story)...and they needed a place to stay until my mom found a new apartment. I mean, what do you say? Its your mom. So of course I said, "Yes." Now a year and some months later, I am ready to pull out my hair.
When are they going to leave?!?!?! I want my apartment back, Law'd!!
Friday, December 12, 2008
The Awakening
*I did not have the pleasure of writing this, but I had to share it, because it
describes what we has humans go through in life when we experience.....
THE AWAKENING
There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.
You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow." You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:
. how you should look and how much you should weigh
· what you should wear and where you should shop
· where you should live or what type of car your should drive
· who you should sleep with and how you should behave
· who you should marry and why you should stay
· the importance of having children or what you owe your family
Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.
You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 30 waist or a "perfect 10." Or a perfect human being for that matter. So you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born and you have self-approval.
And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer," hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes, or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that "it is truly in giving that we receive" and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" & "contributing" rather than "obtaining" & "accumulating." And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with; things that millions of people upon the face of the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own dreams.
And then you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.
Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.
You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things.
And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace.. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.
Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.
You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love.
So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.
Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead.
You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through. You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.
And you stop looking for guarantees because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.
Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. Then a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.
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