Drama Free...Got Me Again!

I thought that by volunteering to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I would be able to avoid the usual holiday family drama; but, "The Family That Preys" once again showed me the extent of their reach and how impactful a three minute conversation could be.

I went and saw my play-brother's family first because they live closer, then meandered to my paternal grandparents' house for the good food. They're the ones who raised my hard-headed a** from thirteen to eighteen, the real defining years - lol - We laughed, I got a gift (what?!), and then I brought my butt to work @ 3 PM to make that time and a half (whoo-hoo!). Boring day at work elapses....naps are taken...and I finally get off work at 11 PM. En route to go partake in some last minute Christmas festivities, my mom calls.

Me: Hello
Mom: What you doing?
Me: Just getting off from work...
Mom: You did?
Me: [Isn't that what I just said?] Yes. I did.
Mom: Oh. Everybody asked about you; And ya grandma did too. You don't ever go see her, and that's not right blah-blah-blah
Me: What? You went to Grandma's house?
Mom: Yeah, I been over there "all day." But yeah, you don't ever come see her and...

Jesus once stated, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." Well, I am certainly not without sin, but she started throwing rocks first. I've been tolerating this crap for over a year and you calling me with this s#!t on Christmas?! I released the inner psycho, went in and let have; hung my balls all in da wind!

Me: "Let me tell you something 'mom.' You are not going to call me on Christmas after I have been at work all day and do me. Clearly just because you reconciled with the family after putting yourself in exile, you obviously think you have a right to call and chastise me because your example I somewhat follow. Just stop right there, because I refuse to listen further. You have your nerve thinking you can do this; I'm twenty-six years old! Doin' me on Christmas, geez! "
[brief pause]
Mom: Let me tell you something - your days are going to be short because the Bible say 'Honor thy father and mother' and you be disrespecting me
Me: I'm tired of having parents who act like adolescent teens in puberty!
Mom: You are gong to pay for the....(I stopped listening)
Me: Happy holidays Mom, I gotta go
Mom: blah-blah-blah death and then what blah-blah-blah
Me: Happy holidays Mom, I gotta go
Mom: yada yada attitude ungrateful child yada yada
Me: I love you and I'm hanging up now
Mom: Bye.

If this results in me getting enormous lumps of coal for Christmas, I'm burying them to see if I can make diamonds; I've got a better chance of that happening than my parents actually growing up. This conversation drove me to a local hole in the wall where I was approached in a very direct manner by an "it." "It" told me I was cute and inquired if I was in there with someone, then proceeded to get "it's" feelings hurt when I showed "it" my "get the hell away from me" symbol - a faux wedding band. With an 89 percent deterring rate, I successfully drove the burnt brownie with the horrible weave back to its point of origin - for ten minutes. Then "it" came and gave me a refresher, and reminded me to come see "it" later. I smiled and heavily sipped my Grey Goose and Cranberry....then immediately scampered out the door and went home.

Next year I'm celebrating Hanukkah. At least it comes with proper instructions.