tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24921951123733146692024-03-12T23:30:47.364-04:00This Moment Is MineThere comes a time in your life when you finally start to get it...Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-31075639552609412732011-05-10T16:41:00.000-04:002011-05-10T16:41:58.858-04:00All Down In My FeelingsPray for me. I'm really all down in my feelings about this break-up. Like, fa seriousness.Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-6520924132979494802011-04-12T08:43:00.002-04:002011-04-12T08:48:00.874-04:00Open Letter To The One I LovedMy <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Definition</span> of Love,<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/c7WR8Lj0U1w?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe> In the course of two years plus, we met and created something that can that can be described with many words, but the phrase I will use is destined to fail, and not by your hand alone. For everything you are strong in, I was weak....and everything I was strong in, so were you. The reality of the situation is that I didn't come into this star-crossed union with an open heart and soul. I was jaded by my previous bouts to what I had convinced myself was love, but were just tufts of lust scattered along the path of my untraveled road to adulthood. You tried to strengthen and empower me and our relationship, but I still had the "Single Mentality, and did not focus on the beauty of your way because I had begun to start looking past you once more.<br />
<br />
I have painted you in such a negative light in the midst of all this bullshit and that is so fucking unfair. You never yelled at me....I am the yeller. Not one time have you ever truly put me down.....I put me down. Whenever there was a problem, you always wanted to talk about it openly....I have the communication issue. I am standoffish. Anytime I wanted to do something (and I told you about it), you supported me.....I am the non-supportive one. There are so many negative connotations I have allowed people to think of you, but the reality is ----> I painted the picture you as me. Yes, you are flawed in some areas and we all are, but the burden you've carried along alone for the past year has to be so heavy it hurts to even glance at it.<br />
<br />
I punched you with low blows about you family problems, but you have overcome those on your own accord; mine still are unresolved, and you have offered advice on how to deal. Its not your fault I am dysfunction in my own way. You still tried though, time after time, to get me to face my flaws, fears, and doubts in efforts to overcome and grow - but I wouldn't. I acted like my way was perfectly fine. That was just one reason why we're ending I can define.<br />
<br />
Your friends believe the picture painted before them is the true depiction, but I was the silent artist behind the canvas at times. I caused most of the problems we were dealing with through my selfish choices, decisions, impulses, and desires. You only acted out to get the attention you originally deserved from the one you loved - me. I'm so sorry it had to come to what it did, in the way it did, for the white flag to finally be raised. You are not the man I have made you out to be fully and if there is some way I can show the world that, I will.<br />
<br />
I know that you and I need some time before there can be a friendship. I don't even know if that's something you desire - but just know that I will try to be there for you, especially when it truly counts. You are an amazing person and I hope you know I honestly love you, though I stopped telling you out of spite because of the guilt I felt for myself. You truly are a light of hope in the darkness of despair. I hope the next one's lucky enough to see that. Please don give it because of you. You deserve someone who is secure in who they are and what they desire out of life and I TRULY believe that will be granted to you.<br />
<br />
I want you to know you are amazing. In a lot of ways, I wish I could be more like you....<br />
<br />
I love you and I wish you the best on the battlefield of love,<br />
<br />
Always,<br />
"T"Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-2457329819847614902010-11-13T20:20:00.000-05:002010-11-13T20:20:19.920-05:00Sneaky GaysAn epidemic that's running rampant throughout the malls, clubs, schools, and barbershops of our fair country:<br />
<br />
<iframe class="youtube-player" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/FLDrntGjvo8" title="YouTube video player" type="text/html" width="640"></iframe>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-80406360754086307332010-10-24T20:06:00.000-04:002010-10-24T20:06:02.002-04:00<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; color: sienna; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px;">These flaws I've got, they're all part of who I am....</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; color: sienna; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px;">Take me or not, but I finally understand....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; color: sienna; font-family: verdana; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: sienna; font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-size: 12px;"><iframe class="youtube-player" frameborder="0" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/o5NzBprEQew" title="YouTube video player" type="text/html" width="640"></iframe></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: sienna; font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-size: 12px;"><br />
</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: sienna; font-family: verdana; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-size: 12px;">I know that I'm not perfect, but who are you to be putting pressure on me....</span></span>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-36354198454190794992010-10-24T19:48:00.000-04:002010-10-24T19:48:31.747-04:00Five flaws of mine that I'm cool with....for the most part.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif;">Keep in mind that this is not a comprehensive list. If it's not on the list, that does NOT mean that I think I am perfect in that regard. So no need for some of my more charming anonymous commenters to chime in with some other perceived flaws of mine that aren't on the list. If they aren't there, maybe that means that it's a flaw that I'm aware of but am not OK with. Or it just didn't make the cut. Just a thought.</span></span></span><br />
<div class="post-body entry-content" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: 13px;"><ol><li>I procrastinate. A lot. But I seem to have a very sharp ability to calculate exactly how much time it will really take me to do something, and do it properly, and I manage not to procrastinate beyond that point, so everything still ends up getting done. But this is a dangerous flaw because when I make these calculations, I allow no room for error, so if something unexpected comes up, I would be screwed. So far this hasn't really happened (or if it does, the only thing I lose is some sleep), but theoretically, it could. </li>
<li>I don't eat enough vegetables. And I don't eat all-natural, or grain-free, or any of those other things. But I eat pretty well, and I'm losing weight steadily, and I eat <span style="font-style: italic;">some </span>vegetables, and I take my vitamins. So I'm OK with this. Could I get better? Yes. Is it a top priority for me right now? No. Sorry.</li>
<li>I'm lazy. This probably ties in to the procrastination thing. I don't like to get up to get a drink when I'm comfortable on the couch. I often don't feel like cooking dinner. I put off things that I don't feel like doing. But, I'm not lazy to the point of letting things go completely. The house is relatively clean, I eventually do get off my ass and make dinner... it'll all get done. But yeah, T suffers from this because he ends up bringing me a lot of glasses of water/juice/drinks/chips/salsa/ice cream. But I'm OK with that because I will also get out of bed in the middle of the night and bring him a glass of water if he wants one. So it all evens out.</li>
<li>I am defensive. My immediate reaction to criticism is to assume that the person criticizing me is wrong, or doesn't understand the full picture. The reason I'm OK with this flaw is that if the criticism is legitimate, I usually come around to it eventually. After that initial snappy reaction, I will think about what's been said and decide if it holds merit or not. That's my saving grace in this situation for sure.</li>
<li>I'm too laid back about some things. Sometimes this is a great thing but sometimes it gets me into trouble. My default assumption is that everything is fine. The problem is that I'm almost always right so in those times when everything isn't fine, I often don't find out right away. I assume that every cold and other sickness is fine and will go away on its own. I assume that every little problem is no big deal...I still think it's better to sometimes underestimate an issue than to constantly freak out about every little thing, however.</li>
</ol></div>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-87511219779503172782010-04-22T14:52:00.002-04:002010-04-22T14:59:24.600-04:00Moments Missed In My Absence<div>Trip To San Francisco, CA</div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzRpRVflqGnhex0YSOmKjpPe-af20kqLM-PBR-DEUc_hQQ8q8GVbn2lmw6Bz74KHfevRv0pMZWNBQuykawE6ZqiXNLkOMcU1xyp1FmvF6PSzEgCHvcXLjztGazNSSMgkh5PKE3qHA7wE/s1600/IMG00054.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQzRpRVflqGnhex0YSOmKjpPe-af20kqLM-PBR-DEUc_hQQ8q8GVbn2lmw6Bz74KHfevRv0pMZWNBQuykawE6ZqiXNLkOMcU1xyp1FmvF6PSzEgCHvcXLjztGazNSSMgkh5PKE3qHA7wE/s320/IMG00054.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463037413791340130" /></a><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>At a party, being the Honorary Cook</div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSpfq5TuAbd7ZkdKZxtqWFS81ZXukqrdEYZp44dpkTPBWLmg7EDZwa6X0GSYUySs9hDqPXVOz2X68Mv7K01vSe7eCkablhyphenhyphenjpSe2MBDgKI5eXMXp5wYk9baylTUog6Rz6MMRwLv6jfbH0/s1600/Chillin'+at+the+crib.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSpfq5TuAbd7ZkdKZxtqWFS81ZXukqrdEYZp44dpkTPBWLmg7EDZwa6X0GSYUySs9hDqPXVOz2X68Mv7K01vSe7eCkablhyphenhyphenjpSe2MBDgKI5eXMXp5wYk9baylTUog6Rz6MMRwLv6jfbH0/s320/Chillin'+at+the+crib.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463037412745964626" /></a><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>From training in Cali<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJhgDY_4lKKfGmD7BU93J8XXW49A52AKWf1arCooFPBAD4Dckmt1spZ85YLfaKIrhiCme0o-gT18FXBLMhZz5KEfgab4zPMiNx0W4tJt-5YUi2bSJliJY5GRmEL3lbuTMuwIVIEowEKJ8/s1600/IMG00046.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJhgDY_4lKKfGmD7BU93J8XXW49A52AKWf1arCooFPBAD4Dckmt1spZ85YLfaKIrhiCme0o-gT18FXBLMhZz5KEfgab4zPMiNx0W4tJt-5YUi2bSJliJY5GRmEL3lbuTMuwIVIEowEKJ8/s320/IMG00046.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463037407350135298" /></a><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>New Year's Eve 2010 in Atlanta</div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPWkg62NK0730DnOY866SXB7F_q0IYQYqAcv57xTnDsWPvH5rNdViNBISWX1_NRV3M8_zu6UiVUQWo7I0ALTCyU8NXBfaLXLF9CRwP5yaohKxX135WK0BwyorctEFk2M5VKWbChwucJgQ/s1600/NYE+2010.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPWkg62NK0730DnOY866SXB7F_q0IYQYqAcv57xTnDsWPvH5rNdViNBISWX1_NRV3M8_zu6UiVUQWo7I0ALTCyU8NXBfaLXLF9CRwP5yaohKxX135WK0BwyorctEFk2M5VKWbChwucJgQ/s320/NYE+2010.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463037403225500274" /></a><br /></div>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-42963899039894988862010-04-22T14:03:00.003-04:002010-04-22T15:20:25.597-04:00A Night Off...Try A YearWe're back! <br />
<div><br />
</div><div>Well, I'm back....me....T.</div><div><br />
</div><div>I know, I know, I know - the last time I posted was literally last summer, and I regret my super denial of the blog, but blogging takes discipline; a discipline I had to develop with time. So I think I can do consistently now, having need of a space where I can air my dirty laundry. </div><div><br />
</div><div>So within the year I will simply list the occurrences that have changed me for better and for worse:</div><div><br />
</div><div><ol><li>Mom and Sister have their OWN PLACE - like, its HERS! I could not be happier! --- until I went to my storage unit one day and saw they used my two bedrooms to replace their own. So now all I have in storage is a couch, clothes, and a microwave. DO YOU SEE HOW SEE DO ME?</li>
<li>I've managed to acknowledge Jhontaivius' existence within me and I have acted on his desires without allowing him to fully take over, thus keeping me out of trouble. Except for when he wanted to go to this bathhouse....couldn't fight 'em that time....</li>
<li>I have abstained from fuckery for quite a few months, since the diagnosis of a good friend jolted me into a reality I've never know. People, please get tested regularly!</li>
<li>I'm in a state we have come to know as love -- remember ** <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">The Definition</span> ** - and after not taking each other seriously for a year, I'm relocating to see what we could be. But we're still not dating exclusively. Are we? I mean, we haven't said it.</li>
<li>I'm on Twitter now: follow me! And if you're not on Twitter, what the f**k are you doing in your spare time?</li>
</ol><div>So to anyone reading and everyone who's stumbled upon this blog, prepare for the laughs to return....it's on. </div></div><div></div>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-15487934829575353742009-07-28T20:29:00.005-04:002009-07-28T21:16:29.708-04:00No Arrrrrr, No Arrrrrr<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dyj-9H7sg35sTrmxLuFA7N8FsUkVrq6kh2Xdtn6fB0UtRfmEJ4DyEyQ5rghnF6RVeV74OGYg2nv6WN1Vxfj8Q' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><div><br /></div><div>You remember when you first heard this song? </div><div><br /></div><div>What did you think of it? Everyone has a different interpretation of what Jordin Sparks' "No Air" means to them. My thoughts and feelings are no different. It is one of THOSE songs - those songs that force you to reminisce, reflect, and revel in the now and then moments of love. Realistically this could very well be the title sequence to my forever-in-production reality show entitled 'My Life.' </div><div><br /></div><div>Does this song remind me of anyone in particular? Yes. As music does, it associates itself with where we are in life, and in most instances - with who. I know I'm not the only person who has songs that can send my mind and heart spiraling back to two or three years ago and recall the exact moment in detail. Damn you, emblazoned magic moments of love.....or something similiar. </div><div><br /></div><div>Until the sun next leaves footprints upon the horizon.....this moment is mine. "T" </div>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-14446679150441991532009-06-04T20:52:00.008-04:002009-06-06T03:59:26.003-04:00This One [Crying Like A Child]<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman';"><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(130, 136, 153); white-space: pre; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-family:Arial;font-size:13px;"><object width="380" height="120"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><param name="movie" value="http://0.q.l.b.aimini.net/player/mp3/?file=http://0.q.l.b.aimini.net/play/?fid=BLQ0uaiFEBGjnqfPticl&auto=yes&repeat=yes"><embed src="http://0.q.l.b.aimini.net/player/mp3/?file=http://0.q.l.b.aimini.net/play/?fid=BLQ0uaiFEBGjnqfPticl&auto=yes&repeat=yes" width="380" height="120" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></span><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">*Press 'Play,' take a breath, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">let the song load</span> - then begin reading the truth about "The One" who had me crying like a child that fateful June day in 2008...</span></div><div><br /></div>We met in person through a mutual friend, and after having spent one wonderful evening together - you won me over with your fine cooking and some wonderful music. Your food warmed my soul, your musical taste/selections touched my heart; your mere presence and company put me on a high I have never been on before, and the passion we shared with one another made my heart skip a beat and left me speechless. I don't even remember the ride home that morning. You had me that bad. I feel that I had waited my whole life for that one evening. You have been in my dreams my whole life. I wish you would have given me a chance.<br /><br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman';">I have a picture of you that I keep close by. Also I don't let my Valentine's Day 2008 gift stray too far. (I named it after you). I look at them quite often and wonder why everything in my life that is too good to be true, actually is too good to be true. Our feelings for one another grew very very strong very fast. It kind of scared the two of us. I would like to think that our being scared is a smaller part of a larger plan.<br /><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman';">You have other things going on in your life right now that don't allow for a relationship as of now. However, I feel that when I think of you so strongly and so often that there is something worth holding on to and going after. I am not going to give up. You are worth the wait, worth fighting for, and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">definitely</span> worth having in my life regardless of any consequences on my behalf. I have never in my life wanted any one person in my life so badly as I do you. I hope you can appreciate that there is someone out there (me) that wants to be with you for all of the right reasons. You just have to give me a chance.<br /><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman';">I don't care that we have known one another for such a short time. I cannot help how I feel or what makes me tick. There is so much that I have wanted to tell you, but resisted for fear of scaring you off, as this heavy of emotion is questionably too soon. If you read this, at least you now know that you have someone that aches to be with you only to make you the happiest man in the world that could love you unconditionally till the very end. Not to be vein, but I know I could be such a person to you, if you would just give me a chance.<br /><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman';">I know that we both feel something for one another. I cannot get your voice out of my head, your face out of my mind, and I can't find that piece of my heart that is missing.....cause you have it. I never imagined anything like this being so hard. It kills me to know that you are so close and that I can't have you. I am obviously a wreck over you, and being smitten over you would be a gross understatement. Nothing I could ever say or do will ever be able to speak as loud as my heart does for you. I BEG of you, please don't forget me. I can't help but to follow my heart, and you are what my heart is after. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'times new roman';">Dammit,........ I just can't quit you. I deserve a chance with you. </span></div>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-59958084166274916072009-06-04T20:36:00.002-04:002009-06-06T04:04:24.006-04:00Sex Is Overrated....<div>....says the dude who's been getting his study on consistently for about two weeks! I don't know what to make of this desire that's been washing over men to request to give me face....but I thank you. I am so much more open to the receiving of fellatio. I can get that behind my desk at the hotel...not that I have. This month.</div><div><br /></div><div>Why am I having the "orgel fantasia" dreams again....? [Don't even ask! I'm going to make a video to explain this.] [As soon as I figure out how to work this damn webcam.]</div><div><br /></div><div>And if you haven't noticed, I'm trying to be more open and honest here at "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'times new roman';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">This Moment Is Mine</span></span>." I mean, I'm not revealing everything - but you certainly will be pulled <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">in</span>. And <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">out</span>. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">In</span>. And <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 255, 255);">out</span>. </div><div><br /></div><div>Get me a hot towel. Clean up on <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Aisle 7.</span></div>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-3191033182598895512009-06-04T19:29:00.009-04:002009-07-28T21:32:39.574-04:00Long Story ShortUpdating the followers.....<div><br /></div><div>Well, I almost died May 15th at 4:08 AM along I-40 East, swerving to avoid a swerving semi. Apparently I was supposed to let the semi hit me, so I could get paid. I drive a 1996 <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Honda</span> Accord - that shit would've been instantaneous man-down. So long story short (and leaving out the part about me calling 5 people crying hysterically), now I'm car less and was stuck in Nashville for 6...days. Thank God for one of my soldiers (from the Army Reserve). He hooked me up with his spare bedroom - in exchange, I cooked my ass off. <img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJxNrUw10TqzeF5ZGaurdakr8t81zY6NzxbYn6a8le_Q7gQZyF26-S3CdXHmd9jCMHIaKuRgjSAl0bvza8lA_8s-DnyjO6oUJg-q0ld4QCYMJCu0plcPwP8y8WbediKZl_eeF08HfSU68/s400/100_0066.JPG" style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343627097661377602" /> <img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWvzW-Elr5wYIptZCMtQ1yZc9Ziv8fePlBg9puQvbIL_4a3p9zY3J7Er-yEtUUYKsyjR3qZTuUb-dcZAEx3Fiai4u8_8UhEHvyW7MSN1FSJOXGnd-F_DmiLubbXTPXepO18a4zuF0Z594/s400/100_0067.JPG" style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5343629376300465170" /></div><div>On Day 5, I made my famous queso/Ro-Tel (whatever you call it) & my first stab at Broccoli & Cheese Casserole. I'd have posted the end results - the empty dishes - but they mysteriously disappeared....hmmm. I think the crew ate those, too. I had to leave my <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">Honda</span> in the safety of a backyard and catch the Greyhound back to the Scenic City. Ugh. I felt like such a commoner. </div><div><br /></div><div>***** <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">"The Definition"</span> has officially downgraded himself. It is what it was and it fizzled into what I won't let it be. He won't be sampling this ass any longer (unless OUR communication gets bertter)....I need consistency and communication and his muthafuckin' ass is lacking. SO AM I. I'm horrible when it comes to picking up a phone....Oh, if only his love and sex game tactics aligned; and my communication skills were equal to my making sticky skills - he'd be awesome. And I'd be the shit. And we would work. And I'd have a boyfriend I'd relocate for. OH WELL. I smile because it happened and I move forward. </div><div>**** <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">"Freeze"</span> downgraded me back to friend status; today. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">VIA TEXT MESSAGE</span></span>. I have no comment for this because I never agreed to this relationship thing officially anyway.</div><div>**** "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FFCC00;">Him.</span>" Well, it was over before it even started. Story of my life.</div><div><br /></div><div>[Singing] <span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#996633;">"He Ain't With Me Now"</span></span> though....</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:large;">I'm back.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: right;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" font-weight: bold;font-size:18px;">Well, almost...</span></div><div><br /></div><div>There are some candidates whom have presented good qualities, and each deserve a shot at the title, but there can only be one. There will only be one.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">"J'hontaivius:"</span> I need choices, dude.</div><div><br /></div><div>[suppressing alternate personality] </div><div>I have got to get his ass intergrated. He is going to get me in more trouble that I'll allow.</div><div><br /></div>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-41883001953986627242009-06-01T09:46:00.001-04:002009-06-01T09:46:25.333-04:00Sexes, Scandal, and Broken CarsThat sums up the last two weeks...full lengthy update coming!Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-31087125186098916652009-05-05T13:38:00.007-04:002009-05-06T12:06:19.592-04:00Because My Brother's Needing Me To Update The Blog So He Can Read It At Work<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW4G2hJNIa0dpCkxIRwiIYHWGR116GONQ5K8MHXj_Lsw2xZtYoFHO5TXik4h_G1oVyUPtq6chL0slEslyr_OmnQPU5e7mnIxkdkKaMYsiGFajeDEyAgOlXhmsP93MUS5oNxJ4vpWmtfNc/s1600-h/SPD+07.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 181px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW4G2hJNIa0dpCkxIRwiIYHWGR116GONQ5K8MHXj_Lsw2xZtYoFHO5TXik4h_G1oVyUPtq6chL0slEslyr_OmnQPU5e7mnIxkdkKaMYsiGFajeDEyAgOlXhmsP93MUS5oNxJ4vpWmtfNc/s320/SPD+07.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332737766009143170" border="0" /></a><br />T: <span style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">"I'm back, Blogland!"</span><br />J'hontaivius: <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">"But I will be the one telling you what the fuck's happened so far..."</span><br /><br />We haven't been properly introduced; I'm '<span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">J'hontaivius J.</span>' the more free-spirited side of Terrence....ya boy's been goin thru sum shit & been trippin' bout bloggin bout it, talkin' about "I don't wanna put myself out there!" and redundant shit like that. I really don't give a fuck what his ass does as long as I get my muthafuckin' nut ya feel me? I'm trying to get this bitch nigga laid and paid and he wanna be all good n shit! What the fuck's up wit that?!<br /><br />T: <span style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">"Can you please not write such filth about me? That's libel, JJ."</span><br />J'hontaivius: <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">"Nigga who lyin wit yo wack ass?"</span><br />T: <span style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">"Can I start the catching-up process now, sir?"</span><br />J'hontaivius: <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">"Yea whatever but hurry up I'm fucking hungry-er than a bitch....!"</span><br />T: <span style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">"Thank you so much for understanding."</span><br /><br />Pardon the interruption; he's a character, that persona of mine. Now, back to my previous statement: I'm back! And it feels great to say so. So much has happened since the last true post. So let's begin - and I will attempt to make it brief [as if I could].<br /><br />So I'm still living at the Big House with the GPs and am actually loving it (for the time being). I have a room, a private bath, and get at least 3-4 hot meals a week, its rent free and I only have to contribute to the basic essentials of groceries (eggs, milk, cheese, and cereal). However I do not have any privacy, total disregard of my 'grown-man status,' and get whispered about at the dining room table. The GPs just want me to get it back together and be happy; meaning save money and move out. I miss the wonders of watching TV naked, wrapped in a sheet on my couch with a bowl of Frosted Flakes and cartoons on. My father has strategically gotten an RV onto the property; so now I have the pleasure of him consistently inquiring about my life and who's in it, asking to borrow clothes and condoms, and getting water all over my bathroom during his showers.<br /><br />I got a second job at another hotel. Its part-time, but its at the Holiday Inn Express and that's cool because of the pay raise. This check'll pay AT&T because of my high mobile phone bill. Is $167 a month too much? Apparently they don't think so; but I love unlimited everything! I should consider downsizing my plan, but when you run a business and are also a socialite, its hard to be out of touch. Gotta have my Blackberry, baby!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center; font-weight: bold;">Now, about the Love Life:<br /></div>** "<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The Definition</span>" and I are slowly fizzling. Meaning the pop and sizzle is officially on simmer. I think he's a great person with a beautiful spirit, but let me inform you of the catalyst of why we're not as poppin' as we were - "The Definition" got into a verbal altercation with a superior not in his chain of responsibility at his job, and the ending result: he quit his job. In the midst of a recession. He quit his job. Now he informed me of what happened and everything and I was in total supportive mode, but here's the tiny tidbit that sent me reeling: When he's down, he's down and nobody can help. He doesn't want to see me, call me, whatever....but this dude will text. I'm ready to just say, "I care about you and what you're going through, but I feel you pushed me away, and I don't like that." Also we have trust issues....notice the WE there. So maybe I should just call it off to save face. Because until we were star-crossed from the beginning....<br />** "<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Freeze</span>" and I are progressing. We're at that space where it seems someone's losing interest, but in fact, we're both just so busy that we forget to communicate the obvious thoughts we may be thinking. He asked me to be his boyfriend two weeks ago....I told him I will give him an answer one day.....when you don't live 4, 321 miles away. Please tell me this is a waste of time.<br /><br />J'hontaivius: <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">"This nigga aint telling y'all every muthafuckin thang..."</span><br />T: <span style="color: rgb(102, 255, 255);">"I'm getting there, Taye, dang!"</span><br /><br />[I really don't like him sometimes.]<br /><br />Okay, so you know my philosophy regarding love: I take applications and conduct interviews, and weed out candidates who don't meet the qualifications. I mean, is that not the premise of dating? To interview for the long-term deal? So the weekend of April 24th, I called my good friend J.B. to surprise visit him and such in the great city of Huntsville, Alabama.....right. I get off work and get right onto 24 West and head to good ol' Alabama. I hadn't been to Huntsville since June 2007 when....(there's a story and a wound I'm not ready to divulge). So after the initial greetings and catching-up, J.B. and I head out to the club - which was a shack. I mean, its a literal hole in the wall, but the DJ had it rocking! After being introduced and scoping the scene, I made a beeline for the bar. The bartender proceeded to inform me that they were working with limited choices of spirits, so I had to reluctantly consume bottom shelf choices. As I was drinking this concoction the bartender suggested [named a <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Purple something</span>....and tasted similar to <span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 204); font-weight: bold;">syrup of black draught</span>!] I was taking in the room and looking at the other patrons of said rainbow shack, and other by the door standing reserved, silent, and mellow was <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">him</span>. Let's not even give <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">him</span> a nickname yet.....I did not approach him, I continued to take in my surroundings and drink this liquid crack I paid $6 dollars for I knew was going to assist with my getting buzzed. Because men of class do not get drunk. [....insert devilish laughter here.] The night progressed; I sipped, I danced, I walked it out, and I randomly kissed a girl - still trying to figure out the details behind THAT, but at the end of the night, <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">him</span> and I did strike up conversation & and exchange numbers. We agree to get together to bask in the ambiance of Mary Jane and pancakes. We've been consistently chatting via phone and text ever since; and he's seen me twice since then - including the dinner date I surprised <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">him</span> with on Cinco De Mayo. I made my famous fai-jatas. Ole! We're feeling the vibe and it's refreshing to be mentally naked with someone....I love when you can get the b/s in the open. He's aware of the other suitors and I told <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">him</span> about my venture into blogging. [Hence whereas why I won't give him a nickname, yet - I want him to know that his "identity" is safe, as blogging is new to <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">him</span>.]<br /><br />Nothing else has really happened, so I guess you're all caught up....well, a tryst or two has occurred, but nothing major resulted. Now I am ready to decide what to do regarding all these different parties getting involved. I am not going to continue balancing time, as I desire to be in a relationship. But I won't rush it. So stay tuned! Because this moment will eventually be mine.<br /><br />P.S. I'm learning how to blog from the BlackBerry, so I'm gonna try to keep you and myself up to date :)Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-54922105087227016592009-04-08T09:57:00.000-04:002009-04-08T09:59:44.600-04:00Life Spirals Like A Cyclone<p class="mobile-photo"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj08llZWl4CPCfNuRxZ4TLL_wPp5Wrfy1NYvyOfjiUl6ZXKQw2wBOcGqp3WyfH2yCZGS0kjdXkJ8UGTWXAMo1BnLybGaryio_0DYqxjLjRKxfLsyB1_CiVkx_Nw3mKw0VOzQEsaTZwCzV0/s1600-h/=%3Futf-8%3FB%3FTGV0IEdvLmpwZw==%3F=-784601"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj08llZWl4CPCfNuRxZ4TLL_wPp5Wrfy1NYvyOfjiUl6ZXKQw2wBOcGqp3WyfH2yCZGS0kjdXkJ8UGTWXAMo1BnLybGaryio_0DYqxjLjRKxfLsyB1_CiVkx_Nw3mKw0VOzQEsaTZwCzV0/s320/=%3Futf-8%3FB%3FTGV0IEdvLmpwZw==%3F=-784601" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5322319971877719394" /></a></p>So much has happened...I'll be writing in soon, I mean I/we just haven't had the time...but an update will be published soon. Until then, here's a clue regarding what's going on.Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-25324948733203648262009-03-13T10:56:00.005-04:002009-03-13T12:14:14.571-04:00Random Fun...Deer In The HeadlightsYesterday, my friend Kenny, who I met randomly through another friend at my university and realized he needed a brother-figure, called me to inform me he'd be passing through my great city en route to the cesspool of sin formally known as ATLanta with his friend Marcus in tow. [Disclaimer: I love ATL, but I'm just bitter because I haven't been able to go down and see my friends and kick it in a few weeks.] After chilling at my temporary home for a while, somehow I get sucked into going to ATL, too!<br /><br />Me: "<span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">Damn, Kenny, I'd go but I just can't do it right now.</span>"<br />Kenny: "<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">That's okay, brother; you need gas money? Here's gas money.</span>"<br />Me: "<span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">Okay.....and what about club admission? Drinks?</span>"<br />Kenny: "<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">We going to the liquor store when we get there.</span>"<br />Me: "<span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 51);">I'll go pack a bag....</span>"<br />(Clearly I should've kept my a** at home.)<br /><br />After a fun drive down I-75, cruising and doing Car Karaoke to such great songs as Solange's "Sandcastle<span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 51);"> Disco</span>" and Brandy's "<span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 0);">Camouflage</span>," we arrived at the hotel and immediately began preparations to embark on some random fun. Now on Thursdays in the A, there are (3) venues to choose from; by default (and b/c it was close), we chose <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Bulldogs</span>. [See, I really should've stayed home...] Of course, since I'm the one that knows Atlanta the best, it was an unspoken fact I was going to be driving. So I had my shot of <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Bacardi</span> before we left, since I couldn't drink a lot when we go to the club. Got there, got drinks, meandered around the masses, you know the drill...then the interesting stuff begins to unfold. I'm walking around solo for no reason & a nigga shorter than I am stepped to me and attempted to coerce me into a sex session with him and his four friends. WHERE they do that at?! Now, I won't front, the short dude was a lil' feminine (and that's okay), but damn he was attractive - not cute - and he had a swag that was too big for someone 5"3! One of the group members asked me for my number, and I pull out the <span style="color: rgb(153, 153, 153);">Blackberry</span> and the group goes ballistic! [They all have BlackBerries as well.] We exchanged PINs and I told 'em I'd BBM one of them later (this was a white lie). [And this n***a is messaging me right now!!]<br /><br />More dancing ensued, and eventually the lights illuminated the darkest corners to allow you to see what real trolls were on the hunt. Haven't you noticed that when you're at the club, someone can be cute in the dark, but when the lights come on, you clearly realize its the alcohol impairing your damn vision. I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE! LOL! Breaking into the early morning light after the fun-filled evening, the crew and I attempted to walk back to the car without giving the appearance we were inebriated....it was a sight to see. Upon arrival back to the car, I was stunned to discover I'd left the car key dangling in the lock - for three hours. <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 153); font-style: italic;">Deeeeeeeeeeeeep</span>. So we had a quick praise session, giving <span style="font-style: italic;">God</span> the glory for having His hand over the car. We depart the parking lot and proceed down West Peachtree Street en route back to the hotel. As we were crossing over 10th Street, we simultaneously screamed noticing a car heading East on West Peachtree, <u style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">right for us!</u> NOTE: West Peachtree Street is a one way street. I dodged the idiot and regained my bearing and continued on to the hotel. And then, I was hit with the craving for a hot dog from the <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">QT</span>. [Hot dogs from the QT be phi!] Satisfied my craving, safely got us back to the room and we all proceeded to pass out.<br /><br />Oh, what a random night.Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-70034100623064203402009-03-11T15:19:00.010-04:002009-03-11T16:43:23.471-04:00Freedom, Bondage, and the Cyclone in the Midst<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglKn6TLHqfp6U0oNxcc6A8buSfbTqW_MZvs5_3rI0402gP3CdcJ6Rh7DFRtib2I-uGLUqJ7lxUbV7WiAoJ9v1yT0C_4dWrZtu6gVhvR1kb817lCmADRDxQhHc6YdXWqclXOW1ONaxesOE/s1600-h/Travelle's+Reception.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 303px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglKn6TLHqfp6U0oNxcc6A8buSfbTqW_MZvs5_3rI0402gP3CdcJ6Rh7DFRtib2I-uGLUqJ7lxUbV7WiAoJ9v1yT0C_4dWrZtu6gVhvR1kb817lCmADRDxQhHc6YdXWqclXOW1ONaxesOE/s400/Travelle's+Reception.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5312032693756629570" border="0" /></a><br />Okay, first off, I express my deepest apologies to myself; for neglecting to blog in a timely fashion. But I have been readjusting to the new chapter I've begun writing through some fault of my own...and now, what you've all been waiting for: the updates!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The Definition</span> and I are in a weird place, but he randomly called like two weeks ago and explained to me why he is where he is when it comes to matters of the heart. Apparently he's given up on relationships....clearly, its only a matter of time before either 1) I fizzle, or 2) he fizzles. Somebody likes somebody and last time I checked, we like each other. What's the deal with everyone having commitment issues?! If it works, GREAT! If it doesn't, I learned a lot. You'll never know the results unless you take the chance. So we're still floating title less, but it's working (for now)....<br /><br />*****************<br />Now - about my mom and my sister - three words: <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 255, 51);font-size:130%;" >I AM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span><br />~ That's right, you read it right; I am finally free after sixteen months of riding my coattails, mooching my money, and continuously invading my privacy and life.....Whoo, I had to shout for a moment. THANK YA! ~ So I went to the apartment complex's office on February 22nd to (so I thought) renew my lease (which I did not want to do). Well, my community manager happily informed me that I was not being afforded the opportunity to renew my lease, as I was in violation of it: Unauthorized Tenants [Sec. 4, Para. 6] and that I can vacate the premises at my leisure - as long as I departed prior to March 2nd, or I'd have to pay another month's rent. Now, where do they do this at? Oh, and I was not receiving my security deposit back.<br />~ I go home to deliver this blow to the heart to the family....and in the end, this woman had somewhere else to stay before I was finish telling the story! WTH?????? As I'm talking and expressing my personal anguish, crying because this s**t is literally f**king my life up, SHE is texting her boyfriend (well, the dude who should be her boyfriend, but she keep ac'kin dumb about it) and this nigga said, "Y'all can come stay with me." Rick is a young man, ambitious and humble, living in a 2 bedroom apartment downtown in the Historic District with himself and his dog, Pepper. WTF you didn't go stay with ol' boy when all this s**t wit' y'all jumped off in the first place!!!!????? Damn, damn, damn! [Breathe, T, breathe]. Oh, well.................what's done is done, but I'll be damned if I ever extend a hand to anymore relatives.....I swear fo' L'awd! This past year and a half has slick made the KiD (me) bitter and stone-cold on some facets of my persona. I pray I can reach some level of normalcy again.<br />~ And in case you're wondering, on March 1st, I was granted the blessing of TEMPORARILY moving back into my teenage room at my grandparents' house, who "graciously" welcomed me home with a get2gether, while informing I had to attend church every Sunday I was in town (not optional), purchase my own personal food (and buy staples for the house), and that I had until the summer to move out. I must vacate by June 5th.....on the plus side: I'm free, b****! And I live 2 minutes from work now....and my <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">blood pressure</span> dropped 6 points in a week [my doctor said, "Its amazing how fast that happened!]. I can't begin to describe what and how I feel....I am...relieved. So, onward to getting a new place....I will be out before my deadline. TRUST.<br /><br />So, also in the midst of all this, some random person I met through some other friends while on one of my not-so-sporadic trips back "home" to ATL found me on MySpace two months ago! And I would've mentioned it sooner, but it wasn't as important then. Now we are communicating daily, and it's going well. Now, before you say anything - I hate conversing with more than one person ["talking to" 2-6 ppl is so "How To Be A Player]. But, chemistry is chemistry. And this person and I are on some synonymous type s**t. I shall code-name him '<span style="color: rgb(0, 204, 204);">Freeze</span>.' (You'll find out why in a minute.) THE PROBLEM: He <span style="color: rgb(0, 204, 204);">lives</span> in <span style="color: rgb(0, 204, 204);">ALASKA</span>.<br /><br />In addition to this chaos, factor in finding another job (so I can quit the hotel), dealing with the fact my brother's moving to Texas for pharmacy school, and that equals a heavy hearted T.J. Ugh! Can <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">J'hontaivius</span> take over for a while, because I need a break and a cocktail.<br /><br />Me: "<span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0);">Hello, waiter; can I get a </span>"<span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">Walk Me Down (Sweet Jesus)</span>?"<br /><br />So, here I am, and finally, <u>this moment is mine</u> (again)!Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-64213700753705908632009-03-04T08:37:00.003-05:002009-03-04T08:40:01.600-05:00Quick HitSo much has changed since my last post......When the dust settles and the smoke clears, I'll be back to give you the full 411. Promise. And you're going to be blown away :)Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-65824236034116648942009-02-18T01:32:00.004-05:002009-02-18T02:12:05.912-05:00Man Down SituationsSorry about the delay in posting; you know life and work will devour you if you don't run fast enough.<br /><br />First order of business: So Mom and sister still reside with me, and because of this I did what I thought was right - I claimed them on my taxes - both of them, providing proper paperwork showing I have been their source of financial support and the IRS agreed. So cool, some extra $$! But only my mom could turn this into a classic moment.<br /><br />Mom: "So, you claimed us on your taxes right?"<br />Me: "Yes, ma'am." [This conversation's about to get ignorant....]<br />Mom: "How much we getting back?"<br />Me: "We?"<br />Mom: "I mean, you wouldn't be getting nothing back if you wouldn't have carried us..."<br /><br />As if I don't work 30-40 hours a week and attend classes! Like I'm just chillin' and collecting a welfare check or something! The audacity.....wait, wait, wait....this is my mother....the woman who gave me life, so I paused and prayed then walked away...and when I received my refund I thoroughly pissed off the masses by only depositing $500 into her bank account. I got blessed out so bad, I had to go holla at my girl and smoke a blunt - something I rarely do!!<br /><br />Moving on.<br /><br />Valentine's Day....I prefer the term "Single Awareness Day," referencing the fact that Valentine's Day is exploited to the point that if you're not in a relationship, you're a loser - which is why for the past three years I've promoted 'Single Awareness Day' and went out w/ other singles and toasted the concept of being one w/ one's self, and not in a state of insanity (a/k/a "love), and this year was no different. Yes, I am talking to a man I thought was "<span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The Definition</span>," but he's been going through some personal struggles and has just started back consistently communicating with me after a two week hiatus. <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">The Definition</span> is one of those people who get down and like to go sit in a closet til they get their problems worked out....so, I don't know what's going to happen with us. And it's already hard as we live in different cities (though he's just an hour and a half away, the distance takes a toll....especially on "those days"). So since he's doing his thing, I continued on with my normal plans: went to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ATL</span> and got up with my best friends, drank, danced like the world was ending, and bashed him to kingdom come verbally for having me alone on Valentine's Day - wait, I meant "Single Awareness Day."<br /><br />Now, riddle me this: was I wrong for going to grab brunch with someone on that day? I mean, it was two people who were respectively desiring pancakes? Yes, someone may or may not "like" someone in the party, but that has yet to be verified. It may well not be....<br /><br />While in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">ATL</span>, I went to see the man I'd thought was going to be my undoing last year during Spring Semester....I will deem him, "<span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">VA</span>." Though we aren't romantically linked, we still keep tabs on each other - no explanation why. I know why I do [because I refuse to let him settle down with someone who isn't as awesome as me], and this weekend he told me what I wanted to hear almost a year ago:<br /><br />VA: "<span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 0);">There are four people I want with me on Tuesday for my birthday, and you are number one.</span>"<br /><br />Too bad he and I both knew I wasn't going to be in town; I got all four wisdom teeth extracted Monday morning at 10:45AM, hence my blogging at 1:52AM now because I've sleep all day from the drugs and last night's Charmed marathon. I'm watching the entire series since I'm off work for a week....I killed Season 4-5 in a day. I skipped Seasons 1-3....because I saw them and I don't care for the 'Prue' character - she needed therapy.<br /><br />Well, that's all to discuss right now.....later days, and this moment is mine.Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-90739659236348214452009-02-08T19:31:00.003-05:002009-02-08T19:39:49.766-05:0025 Random Things About Prodigal SoulBy popular demand and continuous pestering, I've decided to submit and publish this ridiculous list of personal information I'm weary to share:<br />*You know the rules...I shall not be copy/pasting them. Let's begin....<br /><br /><br />1. I am selfish as all get out. Despite my outward appearance and offers of assistance in a situation, secretly I'm just being nice and praying you say "No" so I can go about my way. This is not entirely true, but sometimes, I just don't be wanting to hear it/do it/see it/ go with you.<br /><br />2. My favorite spirit is the Holy Spirit. My second favorite is the spirit of Bacardi; in all forms, shapes, and sizes - except for that 151....I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">dont</span>' drink lighter fluid straight.<br /><br /><br />3. You can get me to cosign to anything with the promise of food on the horizon. Or <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Oreos</span>. I once drove someone round trip from Chattanooga to Nashville and back in exchange for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants - J. Alexander's. I got to order whatever I wanted. Grand total of the check: $73.41<br /><br />4. I play the role of the black geek, but underneath the guise is the soul of a freak. I'm very adventurous...and I shall leave it at that.<br /><br /><br />5. When I was nine years old, I made out with a girl for the first time. Her name was ___________ _________ and I instantly knew we'd just be together forever...what the hell was I thinking?<br /><br />6. Most people in this day and age cherish family, good friends, and the one they love. Not me. Give me my laptop, an <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">iPod</span>, and my Blackberry....I think I'll manage.<br /><br /><br />7. Rebuttal to number 6 - I love my family to death, but if you'd have to have had to endure the year I had, you'd need a break from your mom, too! [Message me about this one. Trust me, its quite the tale]<br /><br />8. I've got a long-lost brother I'm searching for. You know how "Dads" are. And mine was in the Army, but thankfully he only made one additional child (so he says). I know his alleged name (Timothy James Perry) his mom's maiden name (Jacqueline Perry) and that he's from Maryland, and that his grandparents at one point lived in Seat Pleasant, MD. I thought I'd found him on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Facebook</span> (of ALL places!) but I wrong....maybe.<br /><br /><br />9. I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">occasionally</span> "medicate" via herbs. I am not ashamed about this. It's natural, and from the<br />earth.<br /><br />10. Daydreaming is my enemy. I will zone out on you in a minute and go my fantasy world where all in right, and I don't have to deal with certain things....like bills.<br /><br /><br />11. When I was 13, I was introduced properly to the art form of....you know. It resulted in the creation of a monster.<br /><br />12. I have read the entire Karma <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Sutra</span> twice, studied the arts of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">Tartaric</span> sex, and started buying an ice cream cone a day to practice the skill that would make me famous....and this was in high school.<br /><br /><br />13. I have friends, but my actual true circle of friends I communicate with inconsistently, yet when they call I'm so there - and vice <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">versa</span>. Well, I'm going to be late. But I'm coming!<br /><br />14. I ain't never (that's right, I said it) on time for anything! Count it all joy if I show up 5 minutes late. But I'm doing better. My boss noticed it even. Now, I actually have to be on time for work since she sees it's possible.<br /><br /><br />15. My closet is organized from left to right as follows: jeans (by designer and denim color),<br />khakis, dress pants, belts, ties (on a rotating tie rack), vests (by cut and color), short-sleeve T-shirts, long-sleeved t-shirts, short-sleeved <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">polos</span>, short-sleeved button-ups, long-sleeve button-ups, blazers, light jackets. All by 1) designer, and 2) color. And I did this BEFORE I went to the Army....<br /><br /><br />16. Monk on USA is my unofficial hero....I have acute <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">OCD</span>. Ask anyone. I haven't been officially diagnosed, however, there have been accounts where I've have to rearrange or reposition stuff because it would drive me bonkers. Thus #9 comes into play.<br /><br />17. If I could get <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Comcast</span> to make a "Choose Your Channels" package, I'd only need Cartoon Network, Boomerang (gotta have my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Jetsons</span>!), <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Nickelodeon</span>, BET, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">BETJ</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">VH</span>1, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">VH</span>1Soul, and TNT (I like ER and Charmed reruns). My bill would be like $18/month, and I'd be in heaven.<br /><br /><br />18. My favorite TV channel is Cartoon Network. My #1 cartoon of all time is 'A Pup Named <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">Scooby</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">Doo</span>' tied with 'Dexter's Laboratory.'<br /><br />19. I write lyrics...you know songs. I can't produce beats yet, but I'm learning! I have even gotten some of my songs sold and onto <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">CDs</span>! I wrote a song for the Christian group, Out of Eden, which they recorded prior to disbanding. If you want to hear it, email me; no, I won't make you go buy the CD.<br /><br /><br />20. I shop at thrift stores. Yeah, seriously. If vintage is "in," then why pay x amount of dollars for something made to be vintage when you can go get the real deal from Little Five Points? I got a pair of True Religion jeans for my cousin for 37 dollars with the authentic tags from the store still on them. Amen for the rich, because sometimes I'm poor.<br /><br />21. I love to sing, but I won't sing in front of people, because some people are so critical. And one of my closest friends can really sang, and I look up to him, so I don't want to cop his signature...you feel me? I"m like Ne-Yo: I don't wanna cut an album, just let me write the songs and get my checks. *Look where he is now....maybe I should do a demo, for fun.<br /><br /><br />22. If you see me with earphones in on campus, I'm probably not even listening to music; I just don't like engaging in conversation en route to class. I'm already usually late.<br /><br />23. I have returning phone call issues; so much so, I've lost out on relationships because I would never just pick up the phone and call. I thought I was the only one like this, but as it turns out, there are others...but I'll send a text or an email in a minute! Thank God for the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">BlackBerry</span>....<br /><br /><br />24. I love to write, to share my triumphs and pitfalls, but I don't like to share my personal poetry often...it reflects too much of myself and I'd feel naked - all flushed with fever. Embarrassed by the crowd <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">LOL</span><br /><br />25. From April 2004 - August 2004 while stationed at Fort Riley, Kansas...I had a career as a stripper. That's right....me! I had just gotten back from Iraq the first time and my body was sick! All toned and low body fat, thanks to all that water drinking and sweating. My boy from home was stationed 5 hours away in Colorado, so I'd go hang out with him once a month. My second visit I got <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">propositioned</span> by a young lady who inquired if I was interested in making some money and having fun. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">Apparently</span> I could dance (and you know the Kid can move a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">lil</span>' <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">somethin</span>') so the stage was set and "BOY WONDER" was born. Please don't ask who named me....<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">IDK</span> her name, but she tipped me well my 1st show. I drove to CO two weekends a month, and made enough that i <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">didnt</span> have to touch my military pay. Ah, those were good times.<br /><br /><br />Yes, I saved the best for last.Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-18466904320744215782009-02-05T13:40:00.004-05:002009-02-05T20:32:39.344-05:00Celine, Will You Serenade Me?So I was fortunate enough to be blessed with the opportunity to see one of my favorite singers in concert January 17th in Atlanta....Celine Dion. [Yes, I said it.] Normally, a concert of this magnitude would send my spirit into the stratosphere, but with everything going on - raising Mom, my sister, working all the time, and writing new songs - I didn't have the energy to be excited.<br /><br />But luckily I have <span style="color:#ffff33;">awsome friends</span>. (Whom I will introduce later...)<br /><br />They boasted me up so much I was estatic by the time it was showtime, and WHAT. A. SHOW! Celine put on a show that was so powerful, the crowd was moved to either cheers or tears. And she sang my favorite song, "To Love You More." I was my first time seeing her live, and I boo-hoo'd during the bridge [my favorite part]. So, if you can catch her in concert....GO! At the end of the show, she sang the Titanic song; EVERYONE sang along, and the entire crowd held the last note like they were in the shower at home, singing along...hilarious! Yet it brought everyone together. I made quite a few new friends that night. I'm looking forward to Jill Scott live next. That'll produce one hell of an eargasm.<br /><br />Yeah, I had a video in the last post, but after seeing this song performed live, and listening to the words - I had to share it, ya dig? Because "A New Day Has Come!"<br /><embed id="uvp_fop" src="http://d.yimg.com/cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/fop/embedflv/swf/fop.swf" width="400" height="255" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" flashvars="id=v2154830&eID=1301797&lang=us&ympsc=4195329&enableFullScreen=1&shareEnable=1" allowfullscreen="true"></embed>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-3768691794738089652009-01-12T13:30:00.003-05:002009-02-05T20:00:15.013-05:00Problems Into The NewThe year just started and I'm already way in over my head; financially, emotionally....when will the acquisition of peace happen? I need a vacation from life - just about four days I can go to a remote location and do a "Stella." Get back in touch with myself: reassess who I am and what my personal goals and dreams are, as I have lost sight of them while dealing with the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">never ending</span> drama that is everything and everyone else in my life.<br /><br />Also, the hope of love is an issue (but isn't it always?). I'm torn at the moment between two beautiful people, but each I am scared to love wholeheartedly in fear of A) running them off, or B) me running away. I think I need to go see my therapist.<br /><br />Have you seen Beyonce's video for "Halo?" It's so simple, but deep! I want the kind of love portrayed. Maybe I've found it....but who knows, as only time will tell...you know how love in "the life" goes.<br /><br /><embed id="uvp_fop" src="http://d.yimg.com/cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/fop/embedflv/swf/fop.swf" width="400" height="255" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" flashvars="id=v205789291&eID=1301797&lang=us&ympsc=4195329&enableFullScreen=1&shareEnable=1" allowfullscreen="true"></embed>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-4405516964286921622008-12-26T12:59:00.006-05:002009-02-05T20:31:01.841-05:00Drama Free...Got Me Again!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlD1V4k-cxl7Io3lDdmV6BClwc0tbIEpnZ655TLViH0Hj00tjMGO7RCU90u1aifZZSuIE_55MtCH60NF4s27Oes61gc259UzcYFTVY7SWqH0RAkJBgs2qoIV08vRlkduhlnwreO4WTRSE/s1600-h/family_that_preys.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284160986431382482" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 216px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlD1V4k-cxl7Io3lDdmV6BClwc0tbIEpnZ655TLViH0Hj00tjMGO7RCU90u1aifZZSuIE_55MtCH60NF4s27Oes61gc259UzcYFTVY7SWqH0RAkJBgs2qoIV08vRlkduhlnwreO4WTRSE/s320/family_that_preys.jpg" border="0" /></a><br />I thought that by volunteering to work on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I would be able to avoid the usual holiday family drama; but, "The Family That Preys" once again showed me the extent of their reach and how <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">impactful</span> a three minute conversation could be.<br /><br />I went and saw my play-brother's family first because they live closer, then meandered to my paternal grandparents' house for the good food. They're the ones who raised my hard-headed a** from thirteen to eighteen, the real defining years - <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">lol</span> - We laughed, I got a gift (what?!), and then I brought my butt to work @ 3 PM to make that time and a half (<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">whoo</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">hoo</span>!). Boring day at work elapses....naps are taken...and I finally get off work at 11 PM. En route to go partake in some last minute Christmas festivities, my mom calls.<br /><br />Me: Hello<br />Mom: <span style="color:#ffcc00;"><span style="color:#ff9900;">What you doing?</span><br /></span>Me: Just getting off from work...<br />Mom: <span style="color:#ff9900;">You did?</span><br />Me: [Isn't that what I just said?] Yes. I did.<br />Mom: <span style="color:#ff9900;">Oh. Everybody asked about you; And ya grandma did too. You don't ever go see her, and that's not right blah-blah-blah<br /></span>Me: What? You went to Grandma's house?<br />Mom: <span style="color:#ff9900;">Yeah, I been over there "all day." But yeah, you don't ever come see her and...</span><br /><span style="color:#ff9900;"></span><br />Jesus once stated, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." Well, I am certainly not without sin, but <strong><em>she</em></strong> started throwing rocks <strong><em>first</em></strong>. I've been tolerating this crap for over a year and you calling me with this s#!t on Christmas?! I released the inner psycho, went<span style="color:#ff0000;"> in</span> and let <span style="color:#ff0000;">have</span>; hung my balls all in <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">da</span> wind!<br /><br />Me: "<span style="color:#33ff33;">Let me tell you something 'mom.' You are not going to call me on Christmas after I have been at work all day and do me. Clearly just because you reconciled with the family after putting yourself in exile, you obviously think you have a right to call and chastise me because your example I somewhat follow. Just stop right there, because I refuse to listen further. You have your nerve thinking you can do this; I'm twenty-six years old! <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Doin</span>' me on Christmas, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">geez</span>!</span> "<br />[brief pause]<br />Mom: <span style="color:#ff9900;">Let me tell you something - your days are going to be short because the Bible say 'Honor thy father and mother' and you be disrespecting me</span><br />Me: I'm tired of having parents who act like adolescent teens in puberty!<br />Mom: <span style="color:#ff9900;">You are gong to pay for the....(I stopped listening)</span><br />Me: Happy holidays Mom, I gotta go<br />Mom: <span style="color:#ff9900;">blah-blah-blah death and then what blah-blah-blah </span><br />Me: Happy holidays Mom, I gotta go<br />Mom: <span style="color:#ff9900;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">yada</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">yada</span> attitude ungrateful child <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">yada</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">yada</span><br /></span>Me: I love you and I'm hanging up now<br />Mom: <span style="color:#ff9900;">Bye.</span><br /><span style="color:#ff9900;"></span><br />If this results in me getting enormous lumps of coal for Christmas, I'm burying them to see if I can make diamonds; I've got a better chance of that happening than my parents actually growing up. This conversation drove me to a local hole in the wall where I was approached in a very direct manner by an "it." "It" told me I was cute and inquired if I was in there with someone, then proceeded to get "it's" feelings hurt when I showed "it" my "get the hell away from me" symbol - a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">faux</span> wedding band. With an 89 percent deterring rate, I successfully drove the burnt brownie with the horrible weave back to its point of origin - for ten minutes. Then "it" came and gave me a refresher, and reminded me to come see "it" later. I smiled and heavily sipped my Grey Goose and Cranberry....then immediately scampered out the door and went home.<br /><br />Next year I'm celebrating <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Hanukkah. At least it comes with proper instructions.</span>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-81962517753493967392008-12-22T15:21:00.005-05:002008-12-24T22:17:57.276-05:00Who's There To Save The Hero?"There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting, crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink-back your tears; and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective."<br /><br />I have my fair share of issues. I am not a perfect person, but I strive to be a good one. I am at one of those points where I feel I just can't get ahead - like I'm stuck in a situation I can not get out of. I wonder, <span style="color:#ffff00;">"Does Superman get tired of saving the world?"</span> Does he have moments he feels like a maid...? "I just cleaned this mess up!" I feel like I'm never going to be able to [once again] break away and really begin to live for me.<br /><br />The things holding me back are the very things the world says you should never let go of. How can one live if he is being bound by the life he can't leave behind? I'm not trying to abandon the ones I love; I'm trying to become someone to love, as the past year has hardened my heart to a point past stone. So I guess I'd better finally tell the story:<br /><br /><u>October 16th, 2007</u><br />I'd just returned home two weeks ago from narrowly escaping my third trip to the Iraqi sandbox when receive a phone call that changed everything. My mother and two sisters had been evicted from their apartment complex after getting into an altercation with some neighbors...words were exchanged, bleach was thrown (I still don't know the <span style="color:#ffffff;"><strong>WHOLE</strong></span> story)...and they needed a place to stay until my mom found a new apartment. I mean, what do you say? Its your <strong><em>mom</em></strong>. So of course I said, "Yes." Now a year and some months later, I am ready to pull out my hair.<br /><br /><div align="center"><strong><em><span style="color:#ff0000;">When are they going to leave?!?!?! I want my apartment back, Law'd!!</span></em></strong></div>Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-40430811943330300502008-12-12T15:40:00.005-05:002008-12-24T22:16:35.357-05:00The Awakening<blockquote>*I did not have the pleasure of writing this, but I had to share it, because it<br />describes what we has humans go through in life when we experience.....</blockquote><br /><br />THE AWAKENING<br /><br />There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.<br /><br />You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow." You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:<br /><br />. how you should look and how much you should weigh<br />· what you should wear and where you should shop<br />· where you should live or what type of car your should drive<br />· who you should sleep with and how you should behave<br />· who you should marry and why you should stay<br />· the importance of having children or what you owe your family<br /><br />Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.<br /><br />You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 30 waist or a "perfect 10." Or a perfect human being for that matter. So you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born and you have self-approval.<br /><br />And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer," hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes, or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that "it is truly in giving that we receive" and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" & "contributing" rather than "obtaining" & "accumulating." And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with; things that millions of people upon the face of the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own dreams.<br /><br />And then you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.<br /><br />Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.<br /><br />You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things.<br /><br />And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace.. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.<br /><br />Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.<br /><br />You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love.<br /><br />So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.<br /><br />Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead.<br /><br />You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through. You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.<br /><br />And you stop looking for guarantees because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.<br />Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. Then a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2492195112373314669.post-67163138872814992342008-12-12T13:22:00.010-05:002008-12-24T22:21:54.317-05:00The Short Story Told LongThis is the flash forward of my life from my awakening (isn't this a neat way to describe when you said, "I am...this.") up to today. Order up some cocktails and take a load off.<br /><br />High School<br /><br />* Where it really all came together; I was a freshman in high school, and the new kid to the neighborhood. After finally introducing myself to one kid, I began to make friends. One wonderful day, one of my new friends whom I shall and forever refer to as <span style="color:#ff0000;">"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Uno</span></span>"</span> [because he is the first] and I were just <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">kickin</span></span>' it around the neighborhood. Boys being boys, our conversation throughout the day bounced from school to girls to life to sex. We'd just walked from the store and back to his house. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" style="color:#ff0000;">Uno</span></span> was telling me a story about participating in a contest to see who had the bigger.... and how the same person always won. I was just listening and laughing because I'd never heard of such shenanigans happening in the projects I grow up in. *This is the part you've been waiting for*<br /><br />The famous dialogue:<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Uno</span></span>: <span style="color:#ff0000;">"Let's do it."</span><br />Me: "Do what?"<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Uno</span></span>: <span style="color:#ff0000;">"Have a contest..."</span><br />Me: "I don't know, man..."<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Uno</span></span>: <span style="color:#ff0000;">"I knew you was scary."</span><br /><br />Now you KNOW you can not let it get out in the 'hood that you are "scary." That's an automatic rep killer! And since I was still the new kid, I thought I had something to prove. So we go inside <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" style="color:#ff0000;">Uno's</span></span> house to see who's really packing the power. <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Conveniently</span>, his parents were not home.<br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">Uno</span>: <span style="color:#ff0000;">"Pull it out."</span><br />Me: "I don't think <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">I'm going to</span> win..."<br />[The unveiling of meats]<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">Uno</span>: <span style="color:#ff0000;">"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Hmm</span>..."</span><br />Me: "For real Whats with the '<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">hmm</span>'?<br />[Holding it, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">examining</span> it]<br />Me: <span style="color:#ff0000;">"<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Ay,</span> what you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">doin</span>' dude?"</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">Uno</span>: "Chill, man"<br /><br />And thus, I began receiving fellatio for the first time....from a dude. No, I did not say, "Stop/wait/hold on..." because I was clearly in, you know.<br /><br />And I don't care what you<em> say or believe</em>, I was <strong>coerced</strong>/<strong>seduced</strong>! So what if I liked it... however, this first encounter sparked the spiral of madness that lasted five years and a lot of tears.<br />* At this point I can not even finish this blog, because the memories are flooding back and I need to regain my composure * <span style="color:#3366ff;">Damn, I need a drink</span>.Prodigal Soulhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11710788751086050093noreply@blogger.com0